The World has Lost the Reason for Marriage

Why do we exist?

Let’s consider an evolutionists’ idea of how life started with a single celled life form; and that it started in a primordial slime puddle, as some contend. For the sake of this conjecture, let’s say that lightning struck the puddle, which “sparked life”.(pun intended) And let’s say that the lightning caused many of these single celled creatures to come to life. Do you get the picture?

So here we are with a puddle, or even an ocean, full of these creatures. These creatures have everything they need to sustain life, i.e., food, and the right conditions. They are fat, and happy, floating around in their perfect world.

How long did these creatures live? We know from experience that no living thing lives forever. (Check the fossil record) So, eventually they died. So why didn’t all life die out with them? Life didn’t die out because they reproduced; and did it more than once. These little creatures replicated themselves multiple times.

If you have ever watched a video of bacteria multiplying, under a microscope, in a Petri dish, you get the picture. Cells divide over, and over, till they eventually reach a certain stage, then they die. (Except for cancer cells that can live indefinitely.)

Here comes the big question; why did they reproduce? There they were.; fat, dumb, and happy. Why did they reproduce? Why not just live it up till they died. Did one of them notice that the species was dwindling in numbers, and said; “hey, we need to make more of us or we will all be gone”?

Some people might claim that reproduction was just instinct. Then where did the instinct come from? Where did the idea to reproduce come from?

Darwin may have figured out the “Origin of the Species”. Evolution may, or may not, be true. Darwin didn’t offer a reason why creatures reproduce. I doubt that he even thought of the question. So he started from an assumption; a false premise.

If I am allowed an opinion; reproduction is the proof of a higher intelligence OVER the Universe. If evolution is true, or not, reproduction predates evolution.  As far as I am concerned, reproduction is the proof that God exists.

Why do we humans reproduce? That Higher Intelligence that is over the Universe, God, commanded us to. In the Bible; in Genesis 1:28, God told us to; “Be fruitful and multiply…”.

The Purpose of Sex

Whether you believe in God, or not, the purpose of sex, for mankind, is to reproduce, and increase, mankind. DUH! Any dummy knows that! Well, maybe.  In this day and age we seem to have lost sight of that. Sex today seems to be used for recreation, just for fun, making friends, or just to relieve the tension caused by our hormones. Sometimes sex is used an escape from reality.[1] But that is another subject, for another time. Not much thought is given today, to the real purpose of sex; which is reproduction.
If you do believe in God, then what did God tell Adam, and Eve, in the Garden, Genesis 1:28. "...be fruitful and MULTIPLY..."

Why Do We Marry

But why do we marry? Why not just make babies?

Marriage is a means to have a safe environment in which to nurture children until they are able to take care of themselves. Human babies aren’t born capable of taking care of themselves. They must be nurtured, for years. They don’t have the survival instincts as many animals do. They must be fed, taught, and protected.

In earlier times it would be very difficult for a woman to bear children, and to provide for them, and protect them, by herself. The man had his part in the necessities of the family. He is to do the heavy work, and to protect the family.

Women today don’t need a man to provide the necessities of food clothing and shelter, as in the past. The Welfare State is one reason that marriage is on the decline.[2]

  Marriage has another purpose. Marriage is to teach mankind a great lesson about God. God says we are his children. He wants us to understand the family relationship. God is the Father, and the Church is the mother. Jesus is our brother.

The Marriage Process

Now let’s talk about the mechanics of marriage. There are three stages to the marriage process. I found them in a National Geographic video on youtube that has now been removed for copy right infringements. Sorry. I can't find it on the NG website either.

I gathered some facts from the video, but I add my observations to them.

The mechanics of marriage starts with attraction, i.e., looks, flirtation, and sexual lust. This is triggered by hormones, pheromones, etc. This is the prelude to sexual intercourse.[3]

In today’s’ society a couple may jump right to having intercourse at this point. That’s not good, for reasons that will be explained later. For now just realize that having premarital sex will shortcut the marital process that is intended to make us select the right mate, and have a long lasting, and satisfying marriage relationship.

The second stage in the proper mating process is the evaluation of the other partner as a suitable mate. Over time, during dating, a bond grows due to chemicals in the brain that reward the pleasurable experience of the company of the other. It becomes an addiction to be with the other. That is unless the other person is found unsuitable for some reason.

The possibility of finding the other person unsuitable is the reason for not having premarital sex. It is also the reason to take a lot of time to evaluate the other person. Evaluation is both a conscious and a sub-conscious act. Spending time together in many kinds of situations brings out the truth of the other persons traits, and qualifications.

Know that anything that annoys you about the other person will be greatly magnified after marriage. Annoyances should disqualify a potential mate, unless you plan to live with it every day, forever.

Men marry expecting a woman to never change; to stay hot, sweet, young, and beautiful, forever. They don’t. They age, get fat, and wrinkled. They have an attitude change after having children. They become more a mother, and less of girlfriend.

Women marry expecting the man will change for the better; to become more civilized. That may not happen.  Society has made it hard for men to step up. A man can’t be a man unless the woman lets him. Studies have shown that in all successful marriages, the woman lets the man be head of the household. But the Bible says that the woman is “a help, suitable” for him. And he is to love her MORE than himself; which means he can’t be a tyrant, or a jerk.

The video said that the number one trait that a woman wants in a man is kindness.

Then comes marriage; the third stage. When married you begin the sexual relations.[4][5] The pleasure created by the sex act is due to the chemicals released in the brain at that time. The more sex we have the more pleasure chemicals are created in the brain. One of those chemicals makes us cling to our mate for the long haul. It causes us to have a bond with our mate. The video said that it’s actually the cuddling before, during, and after, intercourse that triggers the chemical that causes the long term relationship. I wonder if cuddling during dating causes much the same bonding? The video didn’t say that.

These are the three stages of the marriage process. They are chemical and emotional, and we are programmed to go through the process; Attraction, qualification period, and marriage. It sounds a lot like the courtships of past generations; and it is. 

Humans are hard-wired to have a long lasting, loving, relationship with a member of the opposite sex. NOT getting married creates a cognitive dissonance for people.

Cognitive dissonance is a form of insanity. It’s knowing what is right or true and living the wrong or the lie. The human mind can’t have it both ways.

Sin creates cognitive dissonance. That’s why repentance is relief. It’s a return to sanity. Forgiveness is the icing on the cake.

We are not consciously aware that we are hard-wired to marry. It might be termed an instinct. Where did we get that instinct?

You may call marriage evolutionary, or I may call it designed by God. The end result is still the same.

When we don’t get married we have to find a way to justify the cognitive dissonance in our mind. We can try to explain it away. Some parts of society may try to justify not getting married. Some authority figures may make up excuses to justify their own agenda for not getting married. That discussion is too long for this writing.

Marriage is not a cultural invention, despite what some scientist may tell us. NOT getting married is the cultural invention. Science has gotten it backwards, again. No surprise there.

The sexual revolution, and removal of taboos from sex outside marriage, is just a means to justify perversion.

Any deviation from the marriage process is perversion.

Pre marital sex, extramarital affairs, and sexual perversion such as homosexuality, and bestiality, burn the conscience. Once singed it’s scarred. It becomes difficult to continue in the normal process of marriage. That’s the reason to stay virgin till marriage.

As the video pointed out; you don’t want to have sex with someone with whom you don’t want to form a bond.

If we form shallow bonds, i.e., one night stands, and short lived relationships, it’s difficult to form a long lasting bond for life when we do get married. Perhaps our brain keeps anticipating a break up from yet another relationship. Then as a defense mechanism to avoid the pain, the mind doesn’t form any long lasting bonds.

There is an old saying; “If you want your mate to be the best sex partner you ever had, make them the only sex partner you ever have.”

Homosexuality

Whatever causes homosexuality they too are looking for that satisfying, long lasting relationship that we are hard-wired to seek. For them the homosexual relationship is a substitute for marriage. The problem remains of the cognitive dissonance. They know that marriage is meant to be a man and a woman for reproductive purposes, but homosexuals are living a lie. It’s a cognitive dissonance, and insanity. Most have singed their conscience to the point of no return.

No one wants to admit that they are wrong. Human nature will reason around anything that causes it to admit guilt, to endure mental or physical pain.

Conclusion

Society has reasoned around marriage to the point where many, if not most, people no longer remember why it exists.

Post Script:

I can’t leave the subject of marriage without covering the subject of maturity. I have observed over the years that couples who marry too young are more likely to break up. Statistics bear this out. I observed, from personal experience, that a man should not get married until he is 27 years old; and a woman should not marry till she is 23 years old. My observations have been confirmed by science, using brain scans. There is a shift in certain types of thinking, in the brain, at the ages 27 for men, and 23 for women. People, that I have talked to about the mind change, agree that they had a mind change at those ages. I contend that these ages are when a person reaches maturity; not at age 21. It’s better to put off marriage until the partners are mature. That gives them a better chance for a successful, lifelong, marriage.

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[1] This is a reference to the frustration caused by unused aptitudes. See
YRUEscapingReality.blogspot.com

[2] “The great threat of the political Left against any society is the welfare system, which cuts off the responsibility of fathers and mothers, and which ultimately undermines the family. Women don’t trust their husbands, and they vote for politicians who guarantee that the state will intervene if the husbands defect, run off, or in other ways abandon their responsibilities. The expansion of the state therefore increases the likelihood that husbands will defect, runoff, or in other ways abandon their responsibilities. We see this most clearly in the Black community, which is barely functional as a community. A rising illegitimacy rate is destructive of community. We are now beginning to see it in lower middle-class white communities. The scholar who has chronicled and examined both declines is  Charles Murray. "http://www.garynorth.com/public/14821.cfm

[3]Youtube has many videos about the science of attraction, like: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0q-KnaheFE

[4] A note to men. Men have sex, women make love. Men, if you want to have the best sex life possible, make sure your wife has the best love life possible. Guys, don't jump right into sex, you must pleasure your wife every time. That means long periods of fore play, gentle stroking of erogenous zones; small of the back, neck and shoulders, back of the knees, feet and ankles, inside the thighs,. Stay away from the obvious spots for half an hour minimum; the breasts and vagina. . Never touch her harder than how hard you would rub your eyes. I shouldn't have to mention kissing. That's where it all starts.  tender, soft, moist.
Men need instruction in relationship. Anthony Robbins has a couple of videos that teach what you need to do. You need to listen to your wife. These videos are about repairing a relationship. You can use the information to not have a broken realtionship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsqTZZUM--M
  [5] A note to the girls. Stay virgin till you marry. You are the one who can controls that. When you marry don't be afraid to instruct your husband what you like and don't like. Your husband will be glad to know what to do. Never engage in perverted sex. Perverted sex is just sex, not love. Your nature should take care of the rest.

A video that goes well with this article. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHIftZVfrQ